A request to readers: My blog always talks about all positive aspects of life. Please don’t get surprised at all if you find all negative thoughts coined together in the following post. It has a purpose. It’s unbearable to me as well while writing this. Please bear with me.
We never know when the almighty will shower blessing on us.

A seeker asking GOD:

What do you want from me? I don’t understand your expectations. First of all tell me why did you bring me on this earth. What is the purpose behind your creation?

I am quite confused. You have chosen me to fight the war of righteousness. But am I the right person? Don’t you feel you failed in correct evaluation choosing the right person?

I need to know correct solution to my problems that was created because of my bad karma. I am feeling like a criminal now. The situation is little different and beyond my understanding.
I am myself unable to figure out whether I am innocent or guilty.
My past karma still following me.

I feel like my action and expression have caused a lot of harm to emotions of people. All that happened without my full consciousness and a long time passed now. But crime is a crime whether committed intentionally or by chance. What was an act of drama for me proved fatal to others. I am guilty and don’t want to hide myself anymore.
They are no more available to me now and I can’t say sorry.

I am taking this burden on me and spending sleepless nights. I am unable to escape myself any longer. I can’t go to past and make a correction. We are all leaders and it’s our duty to understand wishes and aspirations of our people. Why did I fail here?

To my understanding all that happened because of lack of proper communication and without my true knowledge of the self. I could have reached out to people in time and solve all issues. Instead I chose to escape myself without much thought about others. The process caused issues grew bigger over time and I am feeling helpless now.

Have I caused harm to many souls to fulfill my ego? I wouldn’t have felt much worried causing harm to a body accepting myself as a human being who can make mistakes. Our body is ever growing and changing but soul is formless. How can I forgive myself after causing so much harm to a soul making it thoughtless, speechless and inactive unable to take a decision? The soul suffered for years because of my weakness. I have committed the deadliest of all crimes that got unnoticed by people but you know this all very well. Why did you do all this using me as a medium?

What pride and reputation shall I incur killing all my fellow men? Don’t say now they are weaker souls who failed to understand me. They are not fools. Do you know why they listen to or get influenced by me? It’s only because of their love and respect for me. And you want me to kill them all citing a very strange reason telling me they are not at the side of dharma?

What is dharma and what is adharma?
You have created this beautiful world. Do you want to see people suffering and more bloodshed. Why are you doing all this? Don’t you have an idea now how to bring this war to an end quickly without further destruction to our values and conscience?

You say it’s ‘adharma’ to move back from the war of righteousness. I am not giving up but you failed to choose the right person. What is my ‘dharma’ – to kill all my fellow men, their wishes and aspirations? Who am I to decide what is right or wrong when I myself is not the correct person. I am a sinner and you want me to fight this war?

I don’t want to live life of a cheater.
Some never understood my intended message and i could not get few more and their intention. This process caused a lot of harm to society.

It’s not only your parents and other family members who care for you.
We come across many in life who love us and care for us. I never understood this truth well how people sacrificed their own wishes and dream to build mine. Why did you do this to me? What lesson do you want to teach me?

I am tired now and seeking salvation. Please select another person to fight this war if you wish. Think about others before me. I have to suffer but enjoy my karmic cycle as I understand there is no route to escape. I can’t be ever happy making others unhappy. I can forgive myself killing a body please don’t use me to kill a soul anymore.

I have suffered a lot and it’s your turn now to take an action if you love me.

Wish you a very Happy New Year!